Hear all the rules carefully! If anyone has any doubts
about the rules later on, I’ll cut y’all into pieces
and feed you to the birds! Now listen! The first ball will be a trial ball. An overthrow and offside
won’t be counted as a run. Whoever wins will bat first. A catch with one bounce will be counted as an out,
batting outside will be counted as an out Hitting the wall directly
will be counted as an out. If it hits the tree and is caught,
it will be counted as an out. Even a sixer
will be counted as an out. If anyone tries to do a mankading like
Ashwin then he’s out of the team. And if anyone throws the ball at 40km/h,
he’ll get a speeding ticket. Do y’all get it? What about a wide run? Are you an idiot?
Wide run… No no no… We don’t have good
cameras there won’t be DRS. Not a DRS, he’s saying we’ll screw you
on the ground. Yeah go on kiss each other. Guddu lives in my society, so he’ll be
in my team. Come here, Guddu. Guddu, chews tobacco and spits on my face!
So he’ll be on my team. – Come here.
– Hey! Guddu flirts with my sister, he’ll be
in my team. – Guddu, come…
– That’s just a casual hookup. Guddu’s marriage is fixed with my sister! with a maturity amount of Rs.
250000 Kazi, come on! Do you accept this marriage? I accept. I accept. I accept. – That’s great!
– This marriage is sealed. – Hey, bro! Play with us and then go.
– We’re going to play. – She’s not my sister.
– Bro, you come. No, no. His body is great.
You come this side, man. Does anyone have a coin? Bro give me a packet of Bimal. If it’s Hindi, you win.
If it English, I win. Hindi. – You bat first.
– Wait, let me decide. Considering the slight moisture
on the pitch, we’ll bowl first. Where’s the moisture?
Fine, go bat. Bro, go there,
No, no, let him go there. You go to Mehta’s gate.
You go to Pooja’s window And you go to my house
and check if my father’s looking for me. Come on, go quickly. Oh man!
Now get it! Get the ball! Go, get the ball. – He’ll get it.
– Get the ball. – No, no! Bro, listen…
– He’ll get the ball. Come on, get the ball out.
Get it. Bloody hell! This is the problem with playing in India. You send talented and good players
to take the ball out of sewers.. When the ball falls into a sewer in America
there’s a staff sitting there to do this job. He takes the ball out
and he’s got a green card. – He’s from Mexico.
– Hold this now. – Hold the plastic bag.
– Take it out! What are you looking at? Soon! – Protection is important.
– Yeah, yeah… Get it out! Yeah yeah put your hand slowly. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Ravi! I can see
that the outfield here is wet. If there were 3-4 more whistles, then
we could’ve worked out something. But it’s still wet. I think dew will play an extremely
important factor in today’s match. She’s gone.
Now get the ball out. Get away you… Why did you tell me she left? – Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!
– Why did you tell me she left? Hold on, man. – Uncle has to pass by.
– Hello, uncle. I think he will not cross
until tomorrow. Let’s take a drinks break. This uncle is taking
a lot of time. Hey you bring me a Pepsi. Bro, look for my ball. I bought that brand new Cosco ball
just yesterday. Look for my ball. You all have made a fool of me.
Move! Wait! Wait! Hold on! Look, I found my ball. Bro, I want my Cosco ball!
That’s all. Hey, look at this.
I found a cricket kit. Are you not listening to me?
I want my Cosco ball, that’s all! Hey, I found your brother!
Did he get lost at the fair? Balli?
Balli! – He’s grown so much.
– Balli! Oh God!
Why do my balls get lost? What is wrong with me?
Give back my ball. Hey, go on. Look for the ball. Kachra Dev. Hey, boy, why are you crying?
Tell me your problem. Kachra Dev, my brand new Cosco ball
is lost somewhere in your pile of garbage. Please, give it back to me, Kachra Dev.
Please! Is this your ball, boy? Bro, that’s a golden ball. Tell him it’s yours. We can sell it and buy
an entire IPL team. Tell him. No! My ball is not made of gold.
My ball is from Cosco. You may take out a silver ball next, but
let me tell you that it’s not ball either. My friends may call me an idiot, cheater
or even a coward. But my intentions are not wrong, god.
I’m not greedy, god. – Boy, your honesty has impressed me.
– Thank you, god. But this ball is yours,
there’s shit on it. – Get it.
– Balli! Balli, my brother! Pick up the ball. – Hey, uncle.
– Let me play one ball. Let me play a ball!
Come on! Hold this and give me the bat. Go back now I’ll play. Hold this, will you, bro? How are you bowling, man?
Bowl me a spin. – Bowl and off spin
– That’s okay, you’ll get it. Bowl slowly, man. I want to hit it
like this over here. – What are you doing?
– Nothing happened! – What are you doing?
– Nothing happened! Let me play properly. I’ll help you, let this go a little. That’s good, thank you. – Your vegetables…
– Thank you. You idiots you only get my windows to break Who’s cosco ball is this?
I’ll shove it up your a**. Where you running you
moron’s come here. I know every bodies parents.I’ll
complain to each of your parents. I have every bodies contact no.
Go study do some job. You bald guy I know you
the captain of this team. I’ll first break your bones.